I walked with the powerful man in the tall, tailored suit. People approached us as though exalted by his serpentine presence. It was the Soho House after all, where the very rich rub elbows with other kinds of very rich, pretending they've built a friendship not made of thin green paper.
Having little to say and a bit bored I muttered "I've developed a fear of heights"
He stopped to stare at me. It was the first time I saw him as more than just a large suit, and with a reptilian flicker he voiced, "How strange for someone so tall."
Rather abruptly, and without referenced reason, about a year ago I developed a fear of heights. Bridges that I once lay upon like a foraging forest nymph had now become a direct path to my demise. It was almost as though I had lost faith in my own sense of balance. Symbolic, he stood staring back at me, the essence of all that had asked of me to question my equilibrium.
You see, there are many black tailored suits in this town. They feed on the doubtful and they prey on the pure. They count on you harassing your soul and they'll dangle that carrot with mirage until you're drenched in slobber and stuttering. Your insecurity is a prerequisite, for all they can offer you is a temporary band-aid, and perhaps, your very own black tailored suit.
Fortunately, wings do not fit in a suit. Fortunately flying doesn't require earthly balance. Fortunately, imagination has its perks. And fortunately crazy, sometimes, becomes clever.
I've never been plagued by fear to the point of no solution. I transform, and often paralyze the speculative. If I cannot live by the earthly standards, so be it. The mind is malleable, even if sometimes venomous for survivals sake. There is no limit to our sorrows if we refuse our fears the capacity to expand our concept of reality.
After numerous walks across that forest bridge, shutting my eyes to float like an apparition, I can say with certainty, that today, I did not notice the distance of that bridge from the ground. I rose above it alongside my dear friend, imagination.
Fear graces us with opportunity, and opportunity doesn't always demand that you focus on overcoming the fear itself. Sometimes all it requires is a subtle adjustment.
In the city now, I see the bodies as something illusory; hanging suits upon the shoulders of vacuous space. My soul still intact, I step into the light. I blind those who should strengthen their intuition, I deflect those who aren't worth my precious moments.
I wear my wings, as my greatest weapon.
xx,
Nostalghia
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